Paxil Free

March 10th, 2001.

One more thing before we move on to the journal aspect of this blog…

Having nearly lost my life to Paxil withdrawal and then survived to tell the tale, and having been in communication with others who went through the same thing, I may be qualified to pass along some things I’ve learned from the experience.

The following are some basic facts of paroxetine withdrawal, things you might expect to come face-to-face with while withdrawing from Paxil — keeping in mind, though, that everyone is different and that there are infinite variations to this experience.

#1: Electric Shock Sensations (aka “the zaps”): The pattern of these sensations are remarkably similar to certain kinds of epileptic seizures except that one doesn’t lose consciousness when they occur. (Personally, I would have preferred to have been unconscious.) They are experienced as a strong electric shock sensation behind the eyes which can easily spread to one’s head, face, spine and limbs. The initial surge — which is overwhelming and impossible to ignore — is often followed by a series of lesser surges which gradually dissipate in waves. These seizures are the most physically debilitating and emotionally disturbing of all the paroxetine withdrawal effects — especially if your doctor never warned you about it.
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March 11th, 2001. (Basic Facts - continued)

The Paxil Flu is also known as a complete shut-down of the immune system. It’s most likely to occur at its worst by withdrawing from Paxil cold turkey (which should NEVER be done; if your doctor told you otherwise, you need to find yourself a new doctor NOW). The Paxil Flu also occurs for some people even while they’re weaning slowly. Paroxetine withdrawal is a neurological trauma, and like any traumatic or stressful event, it can have a drain on your vitality, your health and your overall strength. Therefore, you might want to take supplements of certain vitamins which will become depleted by the stress of the withdrawal (B-complex, Vitamins C and E for starters).

Often included with the Paxil Flu are unusual ailments which doctors have no explanation for — and which, in their ignorance, they don’t connect to paroxetine withdrawal. Your doctor may perform every kind of test on you and then say, “I don’t know what’s causing it,” or the classic, “There’s nothing wrong with you” — while in the meantime you feel like you’re dying.

During my cold turkey withdrawal, besides extreme dizziness, headaches and body aches that could register on the Richter Scale, I developed growths under my tongue which were painful and would bleed at the slightest touch. Eventually I had a biopsy performed and my doctor said,”It’s normal tissue.” Great.

It seems to me that most of these medical anomalies are related to the effects of paroxetine; we just don’t how — and neither does the medical community.

The good news about the Paxil Flu is that it can be prevented through a proper use of vitamin supplements, a healthy diet (which does not include caffeine, cigarettes or alcohol) and regular exercise. It’s a simple straight-forward solution, and you’d be surprised at how well it works.

P.S., If you smoke cigarettes and you know you’re hooked, don’t try getting off them now. Caffeine you can probably wean yourself off without too much harm, but nicotine is another story.

March 13th, 2001. (Basic Facts - continued)

Most doctors are completely ignorant as to the withdrawal effects of paroxetine (not that that ever stops them from prescribing these pills as if they were as harmless as Tic-Tacs). My doctor told me, “The great thing about Paxil is that you can stop taking it cold turkey.” It doesn’t get any more ignorant than that.

Chances are you wouldn’t be reading this right now if it wasn’t for your doctor’s ignorance and/or arrogance.

When my doctor told me that I didn’t have to wean myself off the Paxil — this was his trusted medical advice — he was relaying to me information from

“the year 2000 edition of the Compendium of Pharmaceuticals and Specialties [the CPS] which is the information source most widely used by physicians in Canada.”

That’s a quote from an email my doctor sent me, and the italics are mine. (The U.S. equivalent of the CPS is the PDR or the Physicians’ Desk Reference.)

Unfortunately, the information on paroxetine withdrawal which appears in the CPS is based on fraudulent data provided by GlaxoSmithKline, the company that manufactures Paxil.
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March 15th, 2001. (Basic Facts - continued)

If Paxil saved your life, that’s wonderful. But please spare me the hate mail telling me what a jerk I am for giving Paxil such a bad rap. I have no desire to extinguish anyone’s neurochemical happiness. But I do not and will not hide the fact that I am angry about the injustice that I and thousands of others have experienced because of the fraudulent and unethical practices of GlaxoSmithKline — the practices that have left the medical community mis-informed and uninformed as to the full and potential effects of paroxetine withdrawal.

In order to make their $2,000,000,000-plus every year off this drug, GlaxoSmithKline, by not being upfront about the potential effects of paroxetine, lied to the FDA to get approval for Paxil and then continued to perpetuate that lie by hiding the information they had about the full effects of Paxil withdrawal from the medical community.

(Oct. 2006: Here it is five years later, and the wonderful people at GlaxoSmithKline are still up to no good. They are making so much money off Paxil, they can afford to pay hundreds of millions of dollars in fines and still make a profiit. An informative article in The Scoop reads: “A limited review of the company’s involvement in the legal system over just the last five years reveals a clear pattern of habitual corruption. However, although Glaxo has paid billions of dollars in accumulated fines, penalties and awards to plaintiffs in civil cases, not one company official has been arrested and charged with a crime.” The power of a corporation like GSK is incredible. Making billions of dollars every year off Paxil allows them to get away with murder. They can afford it.)

When I first took Paxil, it did help. But when the time came to stop taking it, I suffered through the worst hell of my life — and all of it could have been prevented had GlaxoSmithKline told the truth from the start.
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March 17th, 2001. (Basic Facts - continued)

This list keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it?

The sexual dysfunction and weight gain are almost-guaranteed side effects of taking Paxil. The weight gain may be particularly worse for women, but the sexual dysfunction seems to happen with everyone right across the board. The sexual dysfunction can gradually be dealt with (details are given in several postings throughout this site), but the weight gain, or I should say losing the weight, seems to be the most trouble even after getting off Paxil; it just takes time. As for the hair loss, or thinning of the hair, this may be a result of extreme stress or it may be because of the Paxil, but it’s something I experienced myself and have read other accounts of, from women as well as men.

The good news: 1) My hair seemed to return to its normal thickness a few months after I stopped taking the Paxil. 2) For many people, their sexual function and libido also return to normal soon after they stop taking the Paxil. (Again, more details are given on this in several postings throughout this site.)

P.S. (Sept. 2006): This may not be the most informative post. I suggest going to paxilprogress.org and doing a search for “sexual side effects.” For instance, I just found this discussion thread that began with a guy asking about sexual side effects while taking Paxil. Here’s an excerpt from one of the responses:

I hear that.

March 19th, 2001. (Basic Facts - continued)

This is the scariest one of them all, and I probably should have put it #1 on my list ahead of the electric shock sensations, but it’s the most difficult one to talk about and I still don’t know what to say about it — except that it was real, very real. I’ve heard many people going through withdrawal talk about this. The reason it’s scary is because it’s not just a feeling; it’s an overwhelming urge, an almost primal drive, a suicidal compulsion that kicks in when the experiences of the withdrawal become too much. There is no way to describe how real this aspect of the withdrawal experience can be. It’s not the kind of thing that is casually discussed because of the fear that everyone is going to think you’re crazy and beyond help, and nobody going through this wants to feel that alienated; the experience is lonely enough without adding that to the list.

The reality of Paxil withdrawal, though, is that it can wear a person down, testing one’s ability to stay civilized on the outside while inwardly the experience is pushing them to the edge of their sanity, of their ability to cope. This I think is the greatest challenge of the withdrawal experience. All of these issues are addressed in the further postings on this blog, but the most I can say for now is to remember that it’s not you — it’s the Paxil withdrawal. It may feel like a living hell that, if you survive it, will have damaged you so badly that’ll never be the person you were before. But it’s not as bad as it feels. I know it because I’ve lived through it. I had the seizures so bad I was convinced that permanent neurological damage was being done to me, and I didn’t want to live to see what the hell was left of me when it was all over with. So on more than one occasion I felt a compulsion to want to get it over with now (and sometimes it wasn’t just an urge but seemed to be a perfectly logical course of action; that’s what’s scary about it).

But just remember it’s the Paxil withdrawal, not you, and that it will pass. I saw a quote from Winston Churchill the other day which I would love to have heard during the worst moments of my withdrawal: “If you find yourself going through hell, keep going.”

(See also Thoughts of Suicide.)

P.S. (Sept. 2006): I realize this could be read as one hell of a depressing blog. No doubt about it. But if you’re already going through withdrawal, reading a blog like this isn’t going to make it any worse. I’m only on the second day of re-posting all this stuff, and I’m already receiving emails from people saying they appreciate it. I don’t like revisiting all these bad memories; I want to get this stuff re-posted as fast as I can — because it’s a bit of a downer, to be honest. But it does seem to bring comfort and reassurance to people who are going through withdrawal or have had recent experience with it. So that’s it — that’s the reason I’m doing this. Beyond that specific demographic, though, I would say, “Move on. Nothing to see here, folks.” Really.

March 21st, 2001. (Basic Facts - continued)

There’s not much that can be done about this, and I’m not sure if anything should be done. A heightened emotional sensitivity is a sign that you’re beginning to have real feelings again, the kind of feelings that Paxil and other SSRIs have a tendency to numb out. What this means for someone withdrawing from paroxetine is that you’re going to feel like crying a lot. Unresolved feelings of any kind that happen to pop into your head will have you bawling and crying and feeling them deeper than you’ve ever felt them before. My advice is to go with it. Don’t hold it back. This may be difficult, especially for men, but falling into the depths of these feelings and coming out the other end is probably the healthiest thing you could do. More the better if you have someone you can turn to and not have to hide these feelings from while they’re happening.

And it doesn’t mean you’re depressed or having some kind of relapse. It’s just the way it goes. It all balances out in the end.

March 23rd, 2001. (Basic Facts - continued)

Paxil withdrawal can be a killer on all relationships, professional, casual, intimate and familial. So look out.

P.S. (Sept. 2006): Wow, that was a short entry… I’ve decided to remove most of the relationship stuff from Paxil Free, because at the time I wrote it, I was in a bad relationship with someone I thought was absolutely right for me when the truth of the matter is they were absolutely wrong for me. The worst person on the planet I could have ever said hello to. The second biggest mistake of my life next to believing my doctor when he told me going off Paxil cold turkey wouldn’t be a problem. Whatever theories I had about relationships back then we’re more than half-baked. So they’re gone… All I can say about relationships while going through Paxil withdrawal is that I hope you’re in a good one. I don’t know how anyone in the midst of this kind assault on their nervous system manages to work from 9 to 5, manages to take care of kids or meet even a fraction of normal adult responsibilities, including the basic responsibilities that come with being in a relationship.

March 24th, 2001. (Basic Facts - continued)

While the Paxil Experience is a roller coaster ride where at times the weather is fine and the seas are relatively calm (yes, there are good days), as I mentioned earlier, maintaining one’s civility throughout this can become a challenge as the frustration of having your life affected by the dis-ease of the withdrawal can build and build until you feel like you’re going to punch out the next person who says, “How are you today?” You might also experience a high degree of irritability resulting in the occasional jolt of anger to burst through. Fortunately this sort of state or condition is transitory. That means it doesn’t usually last long: somewhere between a few minutes to a few days, but it does pass. You may have your moments where the only thing you can do is go off by yourself where you can’t say or do anything to hurt anyone, but if you can explain beforehand the situation to those around you, you should be able to keep the peace most of the time.

March 25th, 2001. (Basic Facts - continued)

My hypersensitivity to light and sound (especially to sound) began after I’d completely weaned myself off the Paxil. But, as is the case with all the symptoms I’ve listed here, it can happen before, during or after one has stopped taking the Paxil. Bright lights or quickly changing shades of light, such as a strobe light or even fast-paced edits in films or videos, become physically painful to watch. You may find yourself dimming or turning off many of the lights in your house (fluorescent lights and LCD monitors are the worst). Staring at a television screen or computer monitor can quickly become painful on the eyes (neurologically painful, I guess).

Along with this is a hypersensitivity to sound similar to that which one might experience during an alcoholic hangover. The slightest unanticipated sound sends a shot of adrenalin through your system that makes you jump about ten feet in the air every time it happens. (Irritating sounds such as someone clipping their fingernails or crunching candy in their mouth can become ultra-irritating.) This hypersensitivity is also comparable to what one might experience from a migraine episode. It can take several months to completely dissipate, in which case it may not be easy to live with, but eventually it goes away. Patience.

P.S. (Sept. 2006): I was still very sensitive to fluorescent lights for about a year or two after I got off the Paxil. Which sucks, because fluorescent lights are everywhere. Those weren’t exacty good times for me. I had more than a few days and nights where I thought, “Is this ever going to end?” Thankfully, it did.

March 26th, 2001. (Basic Facts - continued)

I wasn’t going to list this one and the next one because they seem so obvious, but I might as well cover all the bases here.

Headaches? Yes. Bad headaches? Yes. Really bad headaches? Yes. Headaches go along with everything I’ve listed here. There’s no way around not having headaches. The body aches became particularly painful after my withdrawal. Some people don’t get this and some people do. I did. As I write this (on March 26th, 2001), I still have the body aches to a degree. For instance, I have to wear deep-soled slippers around the house now because I have become painfully sensitive to the vibration of my heels hitting the ground as I walk; it leaves me feeling a dull ache throughout my entire body that I’ve had to take a special pain medication for (regular pain relievers were useless). It hasn’t been easy (sometimes it’s like living in the Twilight Zone), but it’s slowly getting better with time.

P.S. (Sept. 2006): The headaches, body aches, fatigue and sleep disturbances that go along with Paxil withdrawal seem similar to those of fibromyalgia (FM). The cause of FM accorrding to the National [US] Fibromyalgia Association:

Most researchers agree that FM is a disorder of central processing with neuroendocrine / neurotransmitter dysregulation. The FM patient experiences pain amplification due to abnormal sensory processing in the central nervous system. An increasing number of scientific studies now show multiple physiological abnormalities in the FM patient, including… low levels of blood flow to the thalamus region of the brain… [and] low levels of serotonin and tryptophan…

The muscle pain I experienced during my withdrawal didn’t go away until about 2002, and even today I still feel a residual stiffness in my back and neck. I tried yoga but didn’t maintain the practice. I probably should have stuck with it.

March 27th, 2001. (Basic Facts - continued)

The nausea, along with unpleasant digestive problems (those are fun), is usually accompanied by the seizures that are #1 on this list. Most of the time it seems to happen when someone has tried going off Paxil cold turkey. By weaning slowly, though, one’s appetite might get all out of whack, but the nausea apart from the seizures and dizziness usually isn’t a huge problem.

The fatigue, though, is a problem. Paroxetine withdrawal is an exhausting experience. Every single second of it is exhausting — especially while the seizures are happening. It’s been nine months since my Paxil withdrawal experience began, almost four months since I last took any Paxil, and my energy level, physically, emotionally and cognitively, is still far from being 100%. Things are slowly getting better, but what can I tell you? This experience stole away a huge chunk of my life and robbed me of my health of which I am still trying to recover. So sue me if the bounce in my step isn’t as bouncy as it used to be. I’m feeling a little worn, a little bit tired, and maybe it shows. But I am alive, and that’s an accomplishment. Believe me, it is.

And so that’s about it in terms of the basic facts of Paxil withdrawal. It may not look like a pretty picture — that’s because it isn’t. But remember to keep in mind that most of what I’ve listed here is the worst of it all. Everyone is different and the chances of you experiencing everything on this list are slim. If you take care of yourself with daily exercise, avoid stressful situations, take some vitamin supplements and wean slowly at your own pace, you might not experience any of these things. Imagine that. That’d be great.

For some people, the transition from Paxil to being Paxil free is a relatively smooth ride. I happen to have been a bit sensitive to all the crap my withdrawal experience laid on me, but the #1 rule to remember is that everyone is different. Everyone can survive the withdrawal, but at their own pace and in their own way.

P.S. (Sept. 2006): These are the Paxil withdrawal effects I’ve had some experience with. But everyone is different, so I’d guess there’s at least another dozen or so withdrawal effects that aren’t on this list. Here are some of them:

(I’ve also posted a Paxil withdrawal guide from the original Paxil Free website. It’s the actual page from the old site, untouched since it I first posted it.)