Sarah wrote:

I have been off Paxil for 10 months now, and I still get very upset for no reason. I would assume most people don’t after getting off Paxil, but I do! I had a very, very hard time getting off Paxil, and I never wish to go through that again.

Paxil changed my whole personality when I was taking it, but when I got off Paxil, I found it very hard to find the personality that I once had.

Through reports and research that I have done on Paxil, this seems to be a common factor. They don’t know why or how. But I will tell you, and you probably already know, Glaxo SmithKline has yet to accept any responsibility. Through reading and studying about Paxil, there seems to be many changes in personality that do take place. Read Medscape on the internet for any update information. It is a very informative database.

They have definitely proved that it is addictive, and it is like Dr. Breggins says,”You don’t know what these types of drugs are doing to your brain,” and it does not look very promising.

To this day, I still think Paxil affects me. After I went through withdrawal from Paxil, and I mean the withdrawal from hell, I felt quite good, but as time went on, I starting feeling weird, and different, like the problems associated with Paxil are forever here to stay.

I could say maybe I just need a little bit longer, but to be quite honest, I’m not convinced that Paxil did not do anything to my brain. I do believe it at least partially destroyed the serotonin site of the brain. I really think I lost the ability to release the serotonin I need, which plays a big part in your emotions.

The things I could tell you about Paxil would blow your mind. This drug is not magical. It is really a destructive drug! I would tell everybody not to take it, and of course I have studied so much about it, that now people are starting to ask me about the drug, and what problems it causes.

Paxil can get you to the point that you just can’t think right.

If only I could emphasize how bad it really was, I would do everything in my power to do so.

My doctor now, who took me off Paxil, knew the dangers of Paxil when it first came out, and I think it was 1992. He noticed a pattern among his clients that were taking Paxil, was not pleased with the results, and he stopped prescribing it. He tried to tell doctors, but they thought they knew it all.

Now though, since I came back, I got off Paxil successfully with my doctor’s help. Thank goodness for doctors who pay attention! My doctor has asked me to explain to other doctors, PhDs and counsellors with their Masters, about the dangers of Paxil, and why it should not be prescribed, and you would be amazed at what these so-called educated people don’t know. When I talk to them, I honestly have to explain what I mean, regarding Paxil. I was totally amazed! They have no idea of what Paxil can do.

Well, sorry about the long explanation, but yes, with Paxil, and after Paxil, I can get very angry. I am just not myself anymore.

In response, I wrote:

I can definitely relate to the anger situation. It didn’t kick in for me until I got down to around 5mg, but when it did I felt like I was about to kill anyone who tried to have a conversation with me. This lasted for about a week, and during that week I stayed away from people completely. Though most of that anger has passed, my tolerance for listening to certain opinions seems to be zero. I’m not as patient as I used to be.

I’ve been completely off the Paxil for about two weeks now (approximately two weeks; could be more, could be less; my sense of time is a bit out of whack). The closer I got to being completely off the Paxil, the more positive reactions I had. My sex drive (and endurance) suddenly reappeared — it was like I was in my teens again; intellectually I became more alive, reading and writing and with great bursts of energy; I began to feel more relaxed, more myself. All kinds of good stuff like that. I was still experiencing pretty bad withdrawal, but the moments of clarity were amazing and rejuvenating.

Since I’ve been off the Paxil completely, my withdrawal symptoms have not disappeared (digestive problems, sleeping problems, electrical sensations connected to my eyes, etc.), but they have gradually dissipated. I haven’t had a brain zap for two days now, although I am still a little wary of them.

I’ve heard other people talk about how they return to normal and feel ten times better once they get off the Paxil. I certainly had a few glimpses of that, but right now I wouldn’t say that’s how I’m feeling. Sex drive, intellectual vitality — all that stuff seems to have taken a back seat to what I’m going through now.

The last few weeks have been extremely emotional for me. And now, instead of experiencing some sort of rapture from having gotten through all this, if you asked me what I’m feeling, I would say I’m feeling nothing. The only thing I can think of is that I’m emotionally spent; I’m all used up, and I just don’t have the energy to feel emotional about anything. (Or maybe I’ve got one last motherload of anger and grief to let loose, and I just don’t want to be around for it.)

That, or I’m afraid to let myself feel… relaxed again. Like I can’t believe it’s over. It’s as if I’m afraid to let my guard down, to really let myself say, “It’s over.”

The other conclusion could be that I’m depressed again, but I don’t think so. I think I’ve been through a prolonged traumatic experience in trying to get off the Paxil, and even with the Paxil out of my system, psychologically, it’s left a mark on me. I’d like to say it hasn’t, but it has. I would like to jump up and down with joy, yelling out, “I made it!” But I can’t seem to let myself do that.

I’m not sure about any of this though.

I would like to hear from others who, even if your experience isn’t the same as mine, have gotten through this stage of withdrawal, or post-withdrawal…

Second response:

Boy, I couldn’t agree with you more. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I will never be the same after taking this drug. Thank you for telling it like it is. The more research I do, the more freaked out I get about what this shit may have done to my brain. Don’t expect GlaxoSmithKline to own up to any of this; after all, they’re the ones who said it was not addictive. I know one person who took Paxil shortly after it came out. She was a zombie while on it, and went completely ballistic trying to get off. Years later, I realized that this person had changed dramatically, and not for the better. Getting off this drug is only half the battle. The other half is reclaiming the lives we had before Paxil.

Angela wrote [on a forum similar to paxil progress.org/forums]:

It has been three weeks since I have been off of Paxil. I’m terrified.

Every now and then I feel some withdrawal symptoms, nausea, severe headaches and total lack of focus and concentration. But what scares me most is the way my mind is working.

I have been so angry lately, I lash out at my friends, I already lost one, and almost lost my best friend because of the horrible things I was saying. I just spoke to my boyfriend, and hung up feeling terrible, because I keep having mood swings. One second I want to hurt someone, I want to punch, kick scream, anything — the next, I am sorry for feeling this way, and sorry for acting the way I do. Is this a result of a chemical imbalance created by the Paxil? Wow. I wonder if the chemistry of my brain is going to remain in this “schizophrenic” trance.

While I am no longer feeling depressed, I feel trapped. Like I’m in a jail, and I want to break through the walls that surround me. I want to kill myself because I am afraid of what I might do, who I might hurt, that I am a truly horrible person and that I do not deserve to live. I don’t know what to do, or think, or say.

Susan wrote:

My advice is not to be alone too much, and not to let your thoughts dwell on dying. You are not a terrible person — keep reminding yourself what you are going through, that it’s the Paxil withdrawal, not you.

I haven’t quit yet — I just lowered my dose from 10mg to 5mg every other day. About a month ago, I lowered my dose to 10mg and I noticed the ANGER more than anything. I don’t think I have any more anger inside me than the average person, and possibly less, but I felt furious for about a week or two. And I noticed that the worst seemed to be that time before my period. (The Paxil may have been buffering my emotions during that time.)

My boyfriend was over one evening, not feeling well himself, and said something that I normally could have handled, and I slammed the door behind him when he left. We tried to talk a few days later, but it didn’t go well — then we didn’t talk for nearly two weeks, but are now back on track.

My point is, I’m sure the change in my neurochemistry had a lot to do with it. I was so upset one evening, I got into the word processor on my computer and wrote down, “I am angry…” and then a list of all I was angry about. I came up with 23 things, and intended to come back to it. And a lot of the things were not concrete things that had been done or said, but my perceptions about what others thought about me, and the INJUSTICE of it all! I really felt vulnerable. (I am a little nervous about this upcoming week of my cycle.)

Please be kind to yourself, even if you are having a hard time feeling kindly towards others right now. If you had a daughter and she were experiencing what you are experiencing, how would you want her to think about herself? Try to be a kind parent to yourself. Take care.

My response:

Experiencing irritability problems? Kind of feeling like killing someone else or killing yourself? At this moment in time, I think I can relate…

The number one thing to do right now is not kill yourself. I’ve been weaning myself off Paxil for 41 days now (I’m almost down to 5mg), and that’s 41 days of my life not being mine. I’ve been smiling patiently the whole time, but I am so sick of it that I am ready blow, I am ready to lash out, and I have days where it seems that the most reasonable thing to do would be to kill myself. The clarity of this thought when it’s there is — how do I describe it? Talk about a mind trip. The only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that everything I’m experiencing is being caused by the Paxil withdrawal, and that eventually the withdrawal itself will withdraw. I don’t know when, but for now I know that what I’m feeling isn’t my fault, and that I’m not crazy.

At the same time, while I know that I’ll be enduring this for some time to come (and I hate it that my life isn’t mine while this is happening, that I can’t even begin to live my life the way want to while this junk is making me into a zombie) — at the same time I know what I have to look forward to (it’s going to get worse before it gets better). On top of the frustration I naturally feel from having my life made unproductive, uncreative and useless by this wonderful little pill, I’m beginning to experience the irritability that comes from withdrawal — and it’s the kind of irritability where I don’t even want to look at some people, I don’t want them to look at me, I don’t want to listen to them open their mouth and say something stupid that I don’t have the energy for. I have become one big ball of sunshine. I have moments where I feel I could grab some people by the head and break their neck, or just punch them in the face and knock them unconscious so I won’t have to deal with them.

Kinda scary, isn’t it? Everybody thinks I’m handling this situation with ease. They don’t know the half of it. If it’s disturbing to read what I’m saying here, it’s a hell of a lot more disturbing being the one living it, believe me.

Right now I would like to live in a log cabin in the woods and be left alone. Not so that I can go off by myself and blow my brains out, but because I know that the more people I have to deal with everyday (especially stupid people, as well meaning as they may be), the more likely I am to punch somebody in the face or tell them to f*** off…

Well aware that this is where I am right now, I do everything I can to avoid people. This isn’t anti-social; at the moment it’s just a matter of survival. I would like to lock myself away until the worst of this is over with. Goddam Paxil.

But the point is, you’re not alone with the mood swings, with the extreme surges of anger, etc. — and after everything you’ve been through because of our little friend, Paxil, who the hell wouldn’t be? I’m ready to commit violence on some people because they have no idea how debilitating this experience has been — they have no idea what a challenge it has been for me to maintain my civility throughout all this.

I haven’t lost any friends yet, mainly because I’m staying clear of everyone as much as possible. I think most of us going through this have experienced some kind of personal loss due to the Paxil withdrawal. That’s doesn’t include the loss of the quality of our lives while we’re being put through this shit, the loss of our living. Regardless of the physiological effects of Paxil withdrawal (which are extremely unpleasant and often debilitating), the psychological effects aren’t exactly a walk in the park either. Let’s not forget this.

My own personal prediction of how my withdrawal will go is that all the feelings I would have normally experienced while I was taking the Paxil but were numbed out by the Paxil — every single one of them is going to come back with a vengeance. It doesn’t mean a relapse into a depression or anxiety; it means that all the feelings that the Paxil didn’t allow me to feel are going to be felt now. So regardless of the physical symptoms of withdrawal, of living without Paxil, the psychological experience itself will be a motherload. When I get off the Paxil, I don’t expect to bounce back to my good old self right away. It’s going to take time. That’s just a theory, my own speculations based on my previous experience of cold turkey withdrawal.

This Paxil withdrawal experience has affected everything in my life since it first happened in early July. I’ve been living a useless life ever since. That’s how it feels anyway. And now that I’m almost down to 5mg, I’ve got the mood swings, the sudden burst of anger, irritability on a level which is off the scale, insomnia, occasional suicidal feelings, dizziness, gastric disturbances (to put it kindly) — the works. The only thing that keeps me going right now is that I know it isn’t going to last. I don’t know how long it will last, but I know it will pass as long as I do everything in the meantime to keep myself healthy (vitamin supplements, exercise, staying away from annoying stupid people, etc.).

The other thing I’ve had to do recently is to tell the people who know that I’m going through withdrawal that I have reached the stage where I am extremely irritable and that they shouldn’t take my unfriendliness personally, and that the best thing they can do is to not push themselves on me. It other words, I’ve politely told them to get out of my face. While I’m going through the irritability stage, something as simple as that has made a difference.

First response:

Reading your message is like reliving my own nightmare. You have so very eloquently expressed feelings what I and many others have had as we journeyed through our withdrawals. I still have a lot of anger over the experience, but in our society you’ve got to be careful who you express those feelings to! You’ve done so much for us on this board in letting us know that our experiences weren’t out of the ordinary or unique — unless you’ve taken Paxil.

THANK YOU for sharing. It really means a lot to me to know that others have felt similar emotions.

Second response:

Thanks for being so candid and sharing your story. I’m gonna risk getting my neck broken here, but the rush of emotions that you will feel again when you complete withdrawal may not be as bad as you’re expecting. I’ve been reading posts here since July 2nd, and I’ve never read any that make it sound hard to deal with. On the contrary, most have said that it felt great to be able to cry again, etc. Tapering can be rough and the days after your final dose may be rough, but at that point, you know that the end is in sight. Your anger should subside. Hang in there, you’re probably in the worst of it right now. When you’re out of this, I hope you can spread the word about what Paxil did to you and prevent others from suffering. I sure have sympathy for you. Let us know how you’re doing.

Third response:

Thank you for your post. I felt myself choking up reading it and reliving the experiences you have described.

I, too, have been down that road. I have never been prone to angry outbursts, so it was really hard for me. I have felt so much shame for acting the way I have toward family (strangely I didn’t feel anger toward others). Many times they would just look at me “stunned” at what they were hearing come from little ole docile me! My rage was mostly ranting and raving. Thank God I didn’t feel suicidal or want to physically hurt anyone. My words were bad enough and I am sure they caused pain to others.

I have been off Paxil for 6 weeks after taking it for 6 years and can tell you that it will get better. My anger lasted for 2 weeks past my last pill and then went away. Some days it wasn’t too bad and others… well… let’s just say I wasn’t too much fun to be around.

I started taking St. Johns Wort about 3 weeks after my last Paxil and just quit taking it a week ago. I have been going through the anger period again just in the last week. I really think and hope it is from discontinuing St. Johns Wort. I am hopeful that I will get past this last bump too.

Most of the stories I’ve read on various bulletin boards are not happy stories, but nonetheless, from what I can tell there are varying degrees of the “brain zaps,” depending on how long someone was initially on the drug, how much they took, and how fast they tried to get off the Paxil. It’s easy to do the math: cold turkey will always put you through hell (not one single person said their cold turkey withdrawal wasn’t a living hell), and the more you take and the longer you’ve been on it, the worse the withdrawal (cold turkey) will be.

My withdrawal was a “horror” like Brando says at the end of Apocalypse Now. And to avoid coming anywhere close to that kind of experience again, I’ll be weaning myself off Paxil very slowly. That means, for me, lowering my dosage from 20mg to 15mg every other day, alternating between 20 and 15 until I’m feeling brave enough to lower it by another 5mg. And then I plan to keep going like that however long it takes. I don’t care about a decreased sex drive or any of the other side effects; compared to the withdrawal I experienced, it’s a walk in the park. I’m not going to try to go off the Paxil for at least another week or two, not until I start feeling completely myself again; then I’ll probably stay there for awhile before I find the guts to try to wean myself off the Paxil. But I’m guessing, for me, starting from the first day I lower the dosage by 5mg, it’ll take me at least three months to get off it.

Your weaning off it may not have to be as slow though. I think you’ll know how fast you can go by how well you’re reacting to the withdrawal. You might want to get through it as fast as you can, but don’t. Take it as slow as you can; that seems to be the least traumatic way for everybody who has successful gotten off it.

I’m not overweight (although I think I may have put on some love handles while on Paxil) and I’m in good heath and good spirits (except for the withdrawal), and my side effects were extreme dizziness and the brain zaps. Sleeping was almost impossible; my appetite was totally whacked; I had flu symptoms; my bowels weren’t very pleasant; and I kept sweating through the sheets whenever I tried to sleep or whenever I walked around for more than 15 minutes. When I wasn’t walking or sleeping, I didn’t sweat. When I did sweat, I stunk like an open sewer.

The nausea, along with unpleasant digestive problems (those are fun), is usually accompanied by the seizures that are #1 on this list. Most of the time it seems to happen when someone has tried going off Paxil cold turkey. By weaning slowly, though, one’s appetite might get all out of whack, but the nausea apart from the seizures and dizziness usually isn’t a huge problem.

The fatigue, though, is a problem. Paroxetine withdrawal is an exhausting experience. Every single second of it is exhausting — especially while the seizures are happening. It’s been nine months since my Paxil withdrawal experience began, almost four months since I last took any Paxil, and my energy level, physically, emotionally and cognitively, is still far from being 100%. Things are slowly getting better, but what can I tell you? This experience stole away a huge chunk of my life and robbed me of my health of which I am still trying to recover. So sue me if the bounce in my step isn’t as bouncy as it used to be. I’m feeling a little worn, a little bit tired, and maybe it shows. But I am alive, and that’s an accomplishment. Believe me, it is.

And so that’s about it in terms of the basic facts of Paxil withdrawal. It may not look like a pretty picture — that’s because it isn’t. But remember to keep in mind that most of what I’ve listed here is the worst of it all. Everyone is different and the chances of you experiencing everything on this list are slim. If you take care of yourself with daily exercise, avoid stressful situations, take some vitamin supplements and wean slowly at your own pace, you might not experience any of these things. Imagine that. That’d be great.

For some people, the transition from Paxil to being Paxil free is a relatively smooth ride. I happen to have been a bit sensitive to all the crap my withdrawal experience laid on me, but the #1 rule to remember is that everyone is different. Everyone can survive the withdrawal, but at their own pace and in their own way.

P.S. (Sept. 2006): These are the Paxil withdrawal effects I’ve had some experience with. But everyone is different, so I’d guess there’s at least another dozen or so withdrawal effects that aren’t on this list. Here are some of them:

(I’ve also posted a Paxil withdrawal guide from the original Paxil Free website. It’s the actual page from the old site, untouched since it I first posted it.)