I’ve always been able to deal with the emotional symptoms (e.g., the suicidal feelings) easier than the other symptoms (e.g., the electrical surges). The electrical sensations just about drive me insane. More than any of the other symptoms, they’ve made it impossible to be me and to do what I love to do.

I have felt on-and-off suicidal since my first cold turkey experience in early July. I still haven’t completely shaken the feeling, but I can tell you that it subsides to the point where it’s just a faint echo of what you’re feeling now. You’ll remember it, and in a sense it’ll still be there, but you won’t feel any urge to go through with it.

The only way to get through now it is don’t kill yourself (simple, right?). Your body and your brain are going through one serious motherload of a neurochemical adaptation. You have to give yourself a chance to get through it and to go through it. As you know, there are some sudden benefits to getting off the Paxil — I’d say focus on those right now and enjoy them as much as you can. And the next thing you know, you’ll be feeling crappy, but you won’t be feeling suicidal. And that’s progress. And gradually everything gets better. That’s the only thing I can say with some confidence.

It’s been a long dragged out experience, but a little tiny bit at a time, I’ve gotten better. So don’t kill yourself and you will too. And don’t forget to take plenty of B Complex.

First response:

I am so excited that I can hear from people who are having similar experiences. Five days ago I decided to quit taking 20mg of Paxil. I did minimal weaning, but I had no medical guidance because I have been stealing Paxil from my mother. Anyway, I attend a prestigious university which is very demanding and I cannot, in no way, get any studying done. I’ve only been taking the drug for about four months and after feeling like an emotional zombie, decided I had enough.

However, these tremors and vertigo accompanied with fits of crying is making me nuts. My roommates and supposedly closest friends have no idea how bad this feels. All I wanted was someone to talk to who could relate to my experience at school and they instead turn their heads and go out for a night on the town. They are mad at me for taking the Paxil without a prescription, but where were they a year ago when I sank into my interminable depression? Where were they when they could have stood up for me in my terrible circumstance?

Thus, I’ve come home (thankfully close to school) and I’ve been bedridden for about three days. My parents think I’m lazy and I lash out at them with a newly acquired temper. No one understands! When are the symptoms going to end, and is this paranoia a result of the withdrawal or is there truth in my perceptions? I don’t know. I’m just rambling to pass time during these periods of insomnia.

Second response:

Yes! I remember that the one and only suicidal thought in my life happened after I accidentally went cold turkey off the Paxil. It is right back there as a faint memory but a very unpleasant one. I was at the sink washing some dishes and it felt like my brain was swelling and then the thought that I should get a gun and shoot myself in the head came and it wouldn’t go away, and then I began fighting with myself, wondering what was real and what wasn’t. That is the day I ran to the drugstore and got a refill on my Paxil only because I couldn’t really figure what else it was from.

Someone said, “It is the pressure in my head and behind my eyes that gets me down. I feel as if I must force myself to focus.”

I should have had those words stamped to my forehead for the past 80 days since I’ve been weaning off the Paxil.

Because I’ve taken multivitamins up the gazoo, I haven’t experienced the Paxil Flu. But right now I seem to have the body aches, and I’m in a mood. I don’t know what kind of mood, but it’s a mood alright.

Anyway, that’s just me. Trying to walk it off. No major brain zaps anymore, but the pressure behind the eyes is still there. That’s the one constant throughout all of this.

This is a serious impairment on my brain function.

There is not a curse loud and long enough to express my anger and frustration.

P.S. (Sept. 2006): The pressure behind the eyes mentioned in this post is part of the brain zaps or electrical surges that, for me, began in my eyes and then went through my head and the rest of my body. There was always that weird pressure inside my eyes that made it feel like a brain zap was about to hit me any second. I’m sure the hypersensitivity to light was connected this insane electrical pressure in my eyes. (I just added Vision / Eye Problems as a category, though for the most part eye problems will be convered by the categories for the electrical surges and hypersensitivity to light and sound.)

I’m feeling better today. I was going to say much better, but that’s probably pushing it. I got up at 7:30 this morning to help a friend move some things into a new office. I haven’t been sleeping lately, so I was expecting to be tired, grumpy and out of sorts when I got up, and I was. Never too hungry that early in the morning, I had a slice of toast with honey, my usual handful of vitamin supplements, a bottle of water and off I went — hit the road in the pickup truck (someone else driving).

I immediately got dizzy and off balance lifting things and walking up and down the stairs. I wasn’t long popping my first Xanax (electrical sensations were beginning to stir behind my eyes). It took a couple hours to do the work, then I had soup and a bun from doughnut shop. By the time I got home about an hour or so later, I felt good. Not nearly as lousy as I’ve been feeling for the past few weeks, on-and-off suicidal and all that.

This wanting to live stuff is tricky business.

Doug said to a previous message:

This is an excellent response. I agree. However, I must state that I took Paxil for almost 3 years and it seemingly worked wonders for me… for a while.

The people I know personally (not through email or through paxilprogress.org) who took Paxil for extreme anxiety and panic attacks — every single one of them ended up taking on that “sedated” look I mentioned before. And there’s no way that can be good. All of them say they couldn’t live without Paxil, regardless of the weight gain and the sexual dysfunction it causes them. But neither have any of them done anything else except take Paxil to take care of themselves. They’re still living off coffee and cigarettes like they’ve always done. So, in a way, they got what they deserved. Nothing gets better in the absence of a willingness to change. Taking a little pink pill only delays the inevitable.

The calm that Paxil may provide can offer one the opportunity to work on the anxiety, but the anxiety will come back if one doesn’t actually work on it. This is something I see happening with many people, as well as having lived through it myself. It doesn’t take much to figure this one out.

I agree with you that Paxil can and often does make a difference at first. I have no doubt about it that Paxil did help me at one point; it helped me get through an extreme crisis situation, extreme stress, extreme anxiety, all during a time when my coping skills were not so good. For the duration I was on Paxil, I did everything I could to get my act together — and now, except for the anxiety related to the withdrawal, I do have it together (I hope). When I think of how I was, say two years ago, I am amazed at how far I’ve come, how effectively I deal with anxiety and stressful situations when they come up. I’m not 100% all the time, but who the hell is? (Nobody.)

I haven’t a single doubt that the makers of Paxil deliberately perpetuated a fraud by not fully informing the FDA, doctors and the public of the withdrawal effects of Paxil — to this day they clearly misinform doctors (the ones prescribing the medication) by telling them that Paxil is not an addictive drug, that there is no risk of physical and psychological dependency. Bullshit. And everyone who’s experienced Paxil withdrawal knows it. Like you said, “[It] has been an absolute nightmare getting off it (and there were side effects).”

You said:

I spent a good portion of my life avoiding most social situations, and am finding myself back there again. Only now there is the withdrawal and all of its symptoms on top of that. And I did a lot of work to get over all that when I was on Paxil. So, I’m very disappointed in the overall usefulness of the drug.

The same thing has happened to me. I find that I do experience some anxiety in social situations, or in anticipation of social situations. Not all the time, but when I do, there’s no doubt about it, it’s there. But I don’t relate this entirely to any previous condition. I think it’s due in large part to my Paxil withdrawal.

At the moment I am weaning myself off the Paxil and am down to 10mg (alternating between 5mg and 10mg). At least half of this past month I’ve been a walking zombie. Talk about being out of it; my brain has felt like mash potatoes. The last few days have been surprisingly smooth, but I’m only down to 10mg right now — that’s halfway there. My body is going through an extreme physiological adaptation now. Everything is out of whack. Experiencing some of the old anxiety doesn’t surprise me.

It’s my feeling that when I finally get the Paxil out of my system, and I’m exercising, taking my vitamin supplements and doing all kinds of other good things to keep myself healthy, the anxiety that I occasionally experience now from the Paxil withdrawal won’t be as common; it certainly won’t be debilitating. And the same may be the case for you.

Also, having taken Paxil for three years, even after you’ve taken the last pill, I’m inclined to think that it could take several more months before your body and your brain have flushed all the Paxil out of your system and have readjusted to living without it. Three years is a long time to be on Paxil (any more than 6 months is a long time if you ask me). I think the longer a person is on Paxil, the longer it will take to get over it.

Paxil can play a positive role in dealing with certain types of anxiety, but, again, it should always be a last resort. I can’t see what the good is if trying to get off the drug is worse than the problem you took the Paxil for in the first place. What a scam, ah?

Postscript – February 6th, 2001: In this post, I said, “I think the longer a person is on Paxil, the longer it will take to get over it.” This isn’t necessarily true. Everyone is different.

P.S. (Sept. 2006): Wikipedia has an entry for social anxiety. It may not be a simply a marketing slogan. However, treating social anxiety with Paxil or other SSRIs should be a last resort. Paxil is the easy fix; it requires absolutely no work or will power. So it’s very attractive. But from my experience, the risks aren’t worth it. It’s been almost 6 years since I stopped taking Paxil, and I can still feel the effects of the withdrawal. Here’s a quote from the Wikipedia article:

Research has shown cognitive behavior therapy, whether individually or in a group, to be effective in treating social phobics. The cognitve and behvioral components seek to change thinking patterns and physical reactions to anxious situations. This may be done through a technique called role playing. Prescribed medications consists of a class of antidepressants called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). Such treatment has a high response rate and low risk of dependency [sure it does] but has been criticized for its adverse side-effects and possible increase in suicide risk.

Attention given to social anxiety disorder has significantly increased since 1999 with the approval of drugs for its treatment. Marketing campaigns by pharmaceutical companies may be largely responsible for driving this.

Paxil should be an absolute last resort. Communicative therapy (a.k.a. talking) should be tried first. Then there are dietary changes that can make a difference to all kinds of anxiety. You can take vitamin supplements like B-complex to begin with. If you drink caffeine, stop now. Alcohol and cigarettes don’t help with anxiety either (but if you smoke, don’t try quitting while you’re trying to quit something else; trying to quit two things at once will wreck anyone). Making sure to get daily moderate exercise can make a difference. Try a herbal remedy. Listen to good music. Breathe fresh air. Get out in the sunshine.

Speaking from experience, these are basic things that can make a huge difference.

But it’s easier to pop a little pink pill than it is to actually make any real effort to take care of oneself (hence, we have close to two billion dollars in sales of Paxil last year).

It’s easier to take a pill than it is to actually face the fears underlying the social anxiety.

No offense to anyone suffering from panic disorder, but “social anxiety” sound like another made-up term by drug companies. I’ve been shy my whole life. I know what it’s like to be anxious around people and or large crowds. But that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me. I consider it a natural reaction to the madness of crowds.

Working to ease my shyness took some time, and although today I am aware that I do have this tendency to become anxious in social situation, it doesn’t bring everything I want to do with my life to a halt. I value all of my relationships and I am glad to be around the people I choose to be friends with, but I also know when I could use some time alone. I may have a certain shyness to my personality (although most people who know me socially would probably find that hard to believe), but there is nothing wrong with being this way as long as it doesn’t control my life. “Social anxiety” is a marketing slogan, a stigma that deliberately shames people into thinking they need these medications. It helps sell Paxil and other SSRIs.

If you experience “social anxiety,” it doesn’t mean you’re sick. All it means is that you’re sensitive. Big whoop. There is nothing wrong with being a sensitive person. Screw it — I’ll go as far to say it’s a good thing. My sensitivity has caused some anxiety at times, but it’s also given me a sensitivity to the feelings of other people in my friendships and close relationships which has enriched my life in ways that Paxil never has. I’m more of a one-on-one person; I’m not a group person. So what?

If Paxil is the last resort for you — I am in no way recommending Paxil — but if you decide to take the Paxil, remember that the more you take and the longer you take it, the harder it will be to get off it. If your doctor tells you something different, then your doctor can join the thousands of other doctors who are completely uninformed and misinformed as to the withdrawal effects of Paxil, and you’ll want to go see another doctor immediately. Paxil withdrawal is hell. For a substantial number of people who take it, Paxil is not an easy drug to get off of. That’s the first thing you should know.

The second thing is, if you do take the Paxil, don’t just rely on the Paxil. If it provides you with some kind of calm, take advantage of that calm and work on your anxiety. (I know plenty of people who take Paxil and then sit on their butts the whole time, never taking any action to actually deal with the anxiety or depression they had in the first place. All they do is take Paxil, and within months they begin to take on the look of a person who is medically sedated.) If you decide to take the Paxil, it would be beneficial to put yourself in situations where you can develop the coping skills (sometimes known as social skills) to ease the anxiety so that you can be relaxed and be yourself where before you used to feel anxious. If you don’t do this, and eventually you want to get off the Paxil (and seeing how hair loss and sexual dysfunction are common side effects of Paxil, you may not want to live with it forever) — when you try to get off the Paxil, all of the anxiety will come back, and on top of the effects of Paxil withdrawal, it’ll probably come back with a vengeance.

So if you do take the Paxil, do it right. And be informed.

Hope that helps.

Response:

I would like to tell a story which I think some may find more informative than your message.

While this drug may or may not help people, it does fall under a new classification of “life enhancing” drugs that has only really been around for the last 30 or so years. The aggressive marketing of this drug towards the general public is at best circumspect and possibly heinous in its design and implementation. In reading some of the legal documentation of the lawsuits currently in the courts, I noticed that Glaxo SmithKline refuses to accept the term “withdrawa” and instead uses only the term “relapse” in their dealings with plaintiffs. I know what I went through (and what most EVERYONE on this board is either going through or has been through) was a “withdrawa” from a drug.

Now the ethical question: Does the fact that a drug company knowingly refuses to use a proper term in order to protect themselves legally outweigh the use of a term of demeaning tone and inference, especially when it is used to describe the said product whose usage, after stopping, made me feel like “crap” (there are worse terms) for several months afterwards and most importantly: which use of language is more justified?

You see, it isn’t the situation that is the problem, but the language (and the fear of the language) that hides the problem.

P.S. (Sept. 2006): I seemed to have no problem giving advice in this post. I’ll be making some cuts if I find too much of that going on in future posts. I question how qualifed I am to give certain advice. Some people do have serious social disorders that require medication; otherwise, they couldn’t function. I wouldn’t want to be dismissive of that. My life is still affected by my so-called social anxiety. It does hold me back at times, and I’m not happy about it. But I’ve managed to live with it. It’s a part of who I am.

Angela wrote [on a forum similar to paxil progress.org/forums]:

It has been three weeks since I have been off of Paxil. I’m terrified.

Every now and then I feel some withdrawal symptoms, nausea, severe headaches and total lack of focus and concentration. But what scares me most is the way my mind is working.

I have been so angry lately, I lash out at my friends, I already lost one, and almost lost my best friend because of the horrible things I was saying. I just spoke to my boyfriend, and hung up feeling terrible, because I keep having mood swings. One second I want to hurt someone, I want to punch, kick scream, anything — the next, I am sorry for feeling this way, and sorry for acting the way I do. Is this a result of a chemical imbalance created by the Paxil? Wow. I wonder if the chemistry of my brain is going to remain in this “schizophrenic” trance.

While I am no longer feeling depressed, I feel trapped. Like I’m in a jail, and I want to break through the walls that surround me. I want to kill myself because I am afraid of what I might do, who I might hurt, that I am a truly horrible person and that I do not deserve to live. I don’t know what to do, or think, or say.

Susan wrote:

My advice is not to be alone too much, and not to let your thoughts dwell on dying. You are not a terrible person — keep reminding yourself what you are going through, that it’s the Paxil withdrawal, not you.

I haven’t quit yet — I just lowered my dose from 10mg to 5mg every other day. About a month ago, I lowered my dose to 10mg and I noticed the ANGER more than anything. I don’t think I have any more anger inside me than the average person, and possibly less, but I felt furious for about a week or two. And I noticed that the worst seemed to be that time before my period. (The Paxil may have been buffering my emotions during that time.)

My boyfriend was over one evening, not feeling well himself, and said something that I normally could have handled, and I slammed the door behind him when he left. We tried to talk a few days later, but it didn’t go well — then we didn’t talk for nearly two weeks, but are now back on track.

My point is, I’m sure the change in my neurochemistry had a lot to do with it. I was so upset one evening, I got into the word processor on my computer and wrote down, “I am angry…” and then a list of all I was angry about. I came up with 23 things, and intended to come back to it. And a lot of the things were not concrete things that had been done or said, but my perceptions about what others thought about me, and the INJUSTICE of it all! I really felt vulnerable. (I am a little nervous about this upcoming week of my cycle.)

Please be kind to yourself, even if you are having a hard time feeling kindly towards others right now. If you had a daughter and she were experiencing what you are experiencing, how would you want her to think about herself? Try to be a kind parent to yourself. Take care.

My response:

Experiencing irritability problems? Kind of feeling like killing someone else or killing yourself? At this moment in time, I think I can relate…

The number one thing to do right now is not kill yourself. I’ve been weaning myself off Paxil for 41 days now (I’m almost down to 5mg), and that’s 41 days of my life not being mine. I’ve been smiling patiently the whole time, but I am so sick of it that I am ready blow, I am ready to lash out, and I have days where it seems that the most reasonable thing to do would be to kill myself. The clarity of this thought when it’s there is — how do I describe it? Talk about a mind trip. The only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that everything I’m experiencing is being caused by the Paxil withdrawal, and that eventually the withdrawal itself will withdraw. I don’t know when, but for now I know that what I’m feeling isn’t my fault, and that I’m not crazy.

At the same time, while I know that I’ll be enduring this for some time to come (and I hate it that my life isn’t mine while this is happening, that I can’t even begin to live my life the way want to while this junk is making me into a zombie) — at the same time I know what I have to look forward to (it’s going to get worse before it gets better). On top of the frustration I naturally feel from having my life made unproductive, uncreative and useless by this wonderful little pill, I’m beginning to experience the irritability that comes from withdrawal — and it’s the kind of irritability where I don’t even want to look at some people, I don’t want them to look at me, I don’t want to listen to them open their mouth and say something stupid that I don’t have the energy for. I have become one big ball of sunshine. I have moments where I feel I could grab some people by the head and break their neck, or just punch them in the face and knock them unconscious so I won’t have to deal with them.

Kinda scary, isn’t it? Everybody thinks I’m handling this situation with ease. They don’t know the half of it. If it’s disturbing to read what I’m saying here, it’s a hell of a lot more disturbing being the one living it, believe me.

Right now I would like to live in a log cabin in the woods and be left alone. Not so that I can go off by myself and blow my brains out, but because I know that the more people I have to deal with everyday (especially stupid people, as well meaning as they may be), the more likely I am to punch somebody in the face or tell them to f*** off…

Well aware that this is where I am right now, I do everything I can to avoid people. This isn’t anti-social; at the moment it’s just a matter of survival. I would like to lock myself away until the worst of this is over with. Goddam Paxil.

But the point is, you’re not alone with the mood swings, with the extreme surges of anger, etc. — and after everything you’ve been through because of our little friend, Paxil, who the hell wouldn’t be? I’m ready to commit violence on some people because they have no idea how debilitating this experience has been — they have no idea what a challenge it has been for me to maintain my civility throughout all this.

I haven’t lost any friends yet, mainly because I’m staying clear of everyone as much as possible. I think most of us going through this have experienced some kind of personal loss due to the Paxil withdrawal. That’s doesn’t include the loss of the quality of our lives while we’re being put through this shit, the loss of our living. Regardless of the physiological effects of Paxil withdrawal (which are extremely unpleasant and often debilitating), the psychological effects aren’t exactly a walk in the park either. Let’s not forget this.

My own personal prediction of how my withdrawal will go is that all the feelings I would have normally experienced while I was taking the Paxil but were numbed out by the Paxil — every single one of them is going to come back with a vengeance. It doesn’t mean a relapse into a depression or anxiety; it means that all the feelings that the Paxil didn’t allow me to feel are going to be felt now. So regardless of the physical symptoms of withdrawal, of living without Paxil, the psychological experience itself will be a motherload. When I get off the Paxil, I don’t expect to bounce back to my good old self right away. It’s going to take time. That’s just a theory, my own speculations based on my previous experience of cold turkey withdrawal.

This Paxil withdrawal experience has affected everything in my life since it first happened in early July. I’ve been living a useless life ever since. That’s how it feels anyway. And now that I’m almost down to 5mg, I’ve got the mood swings, the sudden burst of anger, irritability on a level which is off the scale, insomnia, occasional suicidal feelings, dizziness, gastric disturbances (to put it kindly) — the works. The only thing that keeps me going right now is that I know it isn’t going to last. I don’t know how long it will last, but I know it will pass as long as I do everything in the meantime to keep myself healthy (vitamin supplements, exercise, staying away from annoying stupid people, etc.).

The other thing I’ve had to do recently is to tell the people who know that I’m going through withdrawal that I have reached the stage where I am extremely irritable and that they shouldn’t take my unfriendliness personally, and that the best thing they can do is to not push themselves on me. It other words, I’ve politely told them to get out of my face. While I’m going through the irritability stage, something as simple as that has made a difference.

First response:

Reading your message is like reliving my own nightmare. You have so very eloquently expressed feelings what I and many others have had as we journeyed through our withdrawals. I still have a lot of anger over the experience, but in our society you’ve got to be careful who you express those feelings to! You’ve done so much for us on this board in letting us know that our experiences weren’t out of the ordinary or unique — unless you’ve taken Paxil.

THANK YOU for sharing. It really means a lot to me to know that others have felt similar emotions.

Second response:

Thanks for being so candid and sharing your story. I’m gonna risk getting my neck broken here, but the rush of emotions that you will feel again when you complete withdrawal may not be as bad as you’re expecting. I’ve been reading posts here since July 2nd, and I’ve never read any that make it sound hard to deal with. On the contrary, most have said that it felt great to be able to cry again, etc. Tapering can be rough and the days after your final dose may be rough, but at that point, you know that the end is in sight. Your anger should subside. Hang in there, you’re probably in the worst of it right now. When you’re out of this, I hope you can spread the word about what Paxil did to you and prevent others from suffering. I sure have sympathy for you. Let us know how you’re doing.

Third response:

Thank you for your post. I felt myself choking up reading it and reliving the experiences you have described.

I, too, have been down that road. I have never been prone to angry outbursts, so it was really hard for me. I have felt so much shame for acting the way I have toward family (strangely I didn’t feel anger toward others). Many times they would just look at me “stunned” at what they were hearing come from little ole docile me! My rage was mostly ranting and raving. Thank God I didn’t feel suicidal or want to physically hurt anyone. My words were bad enough and I am sure they caused pain to others.

I have been off Paxil for 6 weeks after taking it for 6 years and can tell you that it will get better. My anger lasted for 2 weeks past my last pill and then went away. Some days it wasn’t too bad and others… well… let’s just say I wasn’t too much fun to be around.

I started taking St. Johns Wort about 3 weeks after my last Paxil and just quit taking it a week ago. I have been going through the anger period again just in the last week. I really think and hope it is from discontinuing St. Johns Wort. I am hopeful that I will get past this last bump too.

According to what I’ve been reading, if you took at least 20mg of Paxil for more than 4 months, then it will take you at least two months to wean yourself to zero without experiencing any major withdrawal symptoms.

I know that everyone is different, and I’ve read of people who managed to go from 20mg to zero is less then a month. Whippee for them, but I’m more inclined to think that that’s the exception, not the rule.

The rule is: GO SLOW. Everyone, it seems, who does not wean slowly, usually experiences more severe and prolonged withdrawal symptoms.

I don’t think you’re going crazy. You just may have gone off the Paxil too fast. And you may have to go back to a comfortable dose and then gradually wean yourself off the Paxil — slowly.

Not knowing your exact background, that’s my best guess.

Besides weaning slowly, there’s a ton of another things you can do to make it a smoother ride. There are vitamin supplements like B-complex, C, E, Gamma Oil; there’s the elimination of nicotine, alcohol, caffeine and white sugar from your diet; there’s daily moderate exercise; there’s staying away from negative people; there’s music; there’s sunshine; there’s soy products; there’s fruits and vegetables; there’s ginseng tea and ginko, whatever-it’s-called — there’s all kinds of good stuff that can make a difference.

I’ve done all of the above (even the soy products; ugh), and I’m down to 10mg now and haven’t had a single brain zap. I get a little wobbly on my legs once in a while, but no electrical current firing off every time I move my eyes — none of that crap.

Levelling off at 15mg for 10 days was a rough ride (I had headaches and extreme dizziness), but, surprisingly, things have gotten better since I got down to 10mg, and I think it might be because I’m eating all the time. It’s a funny thing to describe, but I can feel it in my brain when I’m hungry. The second I begin to get hungry, my synapses go nuts and I immediately grab for whatever’s closest, be it an apple, an orange, cold meatloaf, moldy cheese and stale crackers — as long as I get in it my mouth within a few minutes after I begin to feel hungry (and it’s not even hunger; it’s an instant starvation that requires immediate quenching), then I seem to be okay. I get the feeling that by putting some kind of food in my mouth every 90 minutes (usually a piece of fruit), I’m warding off those lovely brain zaps.

I don’t know if any of this helps, but this can be done without going crazy. I’m not exactly whistling a jaunty tune here, but I’m getting through it — by eating nothing but good stuff, and weaning slowly.

Good luck.

Postscript – February 5th, 2001: In this post, I said, “…it will take you at least two months to wean yourself to zero without experiencing any major withdrawal symptoms.” Having now survived it, I would say it takes at least three months. Anyone who can do it in two months, and have a smooth ride, is doing extremely well. At the time I wrote this post, I mostly had extreme dizziness, having to always grip onto something whenever I tried walking around the house, and I had bad headaches.

From my own experience of cold turkey withdrawal from Paxil (which lasted six days before I had to go back on it); from what I’ve read online; and from what I’ve been able to read in the medical literature, Paxil — and withdrawing from it — plays havoc with your immune system.

Almost everyone (especially those who go cold turkey) seems to come down with flu symptoms while they’re trying to get off Paxil — but that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

When I tried getting off Paxil, besides coming down with the worst flu of my life, the brain zaps and blurred vision, I also had cancerous-like growths show up inside my mouth, particularly under my tongue. Eventually these painfully large growths seemed to fill with blood and begin to bleed whenever I ate something that rubbed against them. I had one particular tumour that didn’t go away for a month, then disappeared for a week and then came back. Several times I thought of going to the doctor because I was sure I had some kind of cancer, but some days the tumour was there and some days it wasn’t. Eventually it went away.

That’s just my little story.

If you don’t take vitamin supplements already (e.g., B-Complex, at least 50mg a day), then start now. Extra doses of Vitamin C and Calcium/Magnesium wouldn’t hurt either.

But my feeling is that you don’t have anything wrong with your throat. Once the Paxil and everything else is flushed out of your system, that lump in your throat will go away. By now you probably think you have throat cancer (and I know how convincing the experience can be), but I think when everything is over done with, you’ll be fine.

Colin said:

I can’t believe I’m going to do this. After almost a month, I caved in and called my doctor. I get a Paxil refill this afternoon. I’m scared to go back on it but I’m also scared to be off of it. Can anyone help me?

You may have mentioned before how you went off the Paxil, but I lose track of who says what around here, so forgive me if you’ve outlined how you went about it. If I were to take a guess, though, I’d say you got off the Paxil cold turkey — and if not cold turkey then way too fast. That’s my best guess.

I went cold turkey a few months ago, lasted 6 days and on the 7th day I had go back on the Paxil. I felt suicidal a few weeks later. Losing control like that — and not having control like that — just doesn’t jive well with me. I’m much better now, but it was definitely one experience I could have done without.

I have no problem understanding how you’re feeling right now. And if you couldn’t hack it, don’t worry about it. Things will settle out and you can try again when you’re feeling up to it, if that’s what you want. That’s what I’ve done, and it’s working out okay for me.

I’ve been weaning for the past two weeks, and although I’ve gone through a rough patch these past few days, I’m getting through it — and best of all, no brain zaps. I’ve had headaches, slight dizziness, and mild fatigue. And although it hasn’t been much fun, it’s a walk in the park compared to having electrical surges in my brain.

These past few days I kind of felt the brain zaps might be creeping up on me. At first I freaked out (because I do not want to experience them again), but then I was able to calm down and decided I would stay at my present dose for a little longer before I continued to wean (I’m at 15mg, down from 20mg).

I’ve gone for at least one long walk every day, I’ve stopped drinking alcohol and caffeine, and I’ve pumped myself to the gills with vitamin supplements, ginseng tea — all that healthy crap. And it’s working. I get scared sometimes because I remember my first withdrawal experience, and I’m afraid I’d put a gun to my head if I ever found myself there again. But I’m taking it slow, I’m taking it one day at a time again, and I’m not doing anything if I don’t like the way it makes me feel. And so far so good.

I can understand you wanting to give in and take the Paxil again. And if you have you gone back on it, don’t beat yourself up over it. Enjoy the calm it’ll give you. Take a rest. You can get through it, but remember, you can’t rush this. I am in the middle of weaning right now, and I am so tempted to just get it over with. But I won’t. I’m taking it as slow as I can (and I don’t care what my doctor says). If I’m off this junk by Xmas, I’ll be happy.

If you’re back on the Paxil, I’ve been there. And so have many other people around here. Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’ll get plenty of support whenever you feel like giving it another try.

Today is my 13th day of weaning off Paxil. One week of alternating between 20mg and 15mg, then one week of just 15mg. I’m beginning to think I should have alternated for more than a week. I was going to begin alternating between 15mg and 10mg this Wednesday, but I’m having second thoughts; I may wait a little longer.

I’ve been having headaches for the past few days, I was extremely tired one day, and when I stand up fast I get dizzy. It’s a regular dizziness that doesn’t even compare to the dizziness of cold turkey withdrawal. My spirits aren’t nearly as positive as they were during the first week of weaning.

But what I’m feeling right now feels like a precursor to more severe symptoms. It feels like the worse is about to come. And I’ve begun to feel a little uneasy again, a little worried. I have a feeling the “weepiness” is going to hit me soon. And I hate this not having control of my life. Again, what I’m experiencing now is nothing compared to my cold turkey withdrawal from a few months ago, but that doesn’t give me much comfort.

Anyhow, today I went to my new doctor, and I’m beginning to feel like I’d rather see someone who’s more sympathetic than him. Everything is too “interesting” to him, and his insights are minimal. I think he’s more experienced in treating people with more severe problems than mine, like my situation is too ordinary for him. When I asked him if there’s anything specific I can take for dizziness or headaches if they get worse, he said, “Not that I know of.” Great. Thanks for the help.

He did tell me, though, not to stand up quickly; standing up too fast is likely to cause a head-rush and dizziness. To combat dizziness, he said to make sure to drink plenty of water, which I already do anyway.

When I got back home from my appointment with him this afternoon, I laid down for a second and that second turned into two and a half hours of more-or-less unconsciousness. It’s not the first time I fell asleep during the day this past week. But now it’s becoming more pronounced. I’ve also been having difficulty going to sleep at night, so that probably doesn’t help.

I know this is nothing compared to cold turkey withdrawal, but I’m getting worried. My energy is too low. So I have to get my energy up, because I know that when my energy is low, emotionally I’m more likely to feel less in control.

Right now I’m taking B1, B2, and B6 at 50mg each, plus 50mcg of B12, and about 50mg of all the Bs. Can anyone who has taken B-complex for withdrawal tell me what dosages work for them? I’m thinking of at least doubling my dosage. I know not to exceed more than 150mg of B5, but recommended doses of B12, for instance, are 600mg daily — that’s ten times more than what I’m taking now. I’m making a few more adjustments to my diet, but I’m seriously considering upping my B-complex intake and would appreciate any suggestions.

Thanks.

Postscript (June 10, 2010): I’m not sure if I mentioned this before, but I was staying with my parents at this time at their house way out in the country. My mother had no problem letting me stay with them while I was going through my withdrawal, but my father didn’t really see what was wrong with me. So I didn’t talk to my parents much about what I was going through on a daily basis. It was a somewhat socially isolated circumstance. I’m not sure if having more sympathetic people around would have made a difference. I felt disconnected from everything anyway. Just saying hello in the morning took a lot out of me back then. So I don’t know.