Paxil Free

Wednesday, September 20th, 2000.

Colin said:

I can’t believe I’m going to do this. After almost a month, I caved in and called my doctor. I get a Paxil refill this afternoon. I’m scared to go back on it but I’m also scared to be off of it. Can anyone help me?

You may have mentioned before how you went off the Paxil, but I lose track of who says what around here, so forgive me if you’ve outlined how you went about it. If I were to take a guess, though, I’d say you got off the Paxil cold turkey — and if not cold turkey then way too fast. That’s my best guess.

I went cold turkey a few months ago, lasted 6 days and on the 7th day had go back on the Paxil. I felt suicidal a few weeks later. Losing control like that — and not having control like that — just doesn’t jive well with me. I’m much better now, but it was definitely one experience I could have done without.

I have no problem understanding how you’re feeling right now. And if you couldn’t hack it, don’t worry about it. Things will settle out and you can try again when you’re feeling up to it, if that’s what you want. That’s what I’ve done, and it’s working out okay for me.

I’ve been weaning for the past two weeks, and although I’ve gone through a rough patch these past few days, I’m getting through it — and best of all, no brain zaps. I’ve had headaches, slight dizziness, and mild fatigue. And although it hasn’t been much fun, it’s a walk in the park compared to having electrical surges in my brain.

These past few days I kind of felt the brain zaps might be creeping up on me. At first I freaked out (because I do not want to experience them again), but then I was able to calm down and decided I would stay at my present dose for a little longer before I continued to wean (I’m at 15mg, down from 20mg).

I’ve gone for at least one long walk every day, I’ve stopped drinking alcohol and caffeine, and I’ve pumped myself to the gills with vitamin supplements, ginseng tea — all that healthy crap. And it’s working. I get scared sometimes because I remember my first withdrawal experience, and I’m afraid I’d put a gun to my head if I ever found myself there again. But I’m taking it slow, I’m taking it one day at a time again, and I’m not doing anything if I don’t like the way it makes me feel. And so far so good.

I can understand you wanting to give in and take the Paxil again. And if you have you gone back on it, don’t beat yourself up over it. Enjoy the calm it’ll give you. Take a rest. You can get through it, but remember, you can’t rush this. I am in the middle of weaning right now, and I am so tempted to just get it over with. But I won’t. I’m taking it as slow as I can (and I don’t care what my doctor says). If I’m off this junk by Xmas, I’ll be happy.

If you’re back on the Paxil, I’ve been there. And so have many other people around here. Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’ll get plenty of support whenever you feel like giving it another try.