Day 91: Tired of it All
Wednesday, December 6th, 2000 (36th day off Paxil). Responding to some messages on paxilprogress.org:
I have good days and bad days and some days where I don’t feel like talking to anyone. Since early July my life has been affected by this Paxil withdrawal, and it still is being affected, and most of the time nowadays I’m just sick of it. I’m tired and I want my life back.
I go for days at times not responding to emails or posting any messages. I haven’t disappeared though. Thanks for asking. I don’t want to talk about it — but thanks for asking.
If I let myself think too much about everything I have lost because of the Paxil withdrawal (my work, close relationships, so-called friends who turned out not to be friends, not being able to function like a normal human being, etc.) — I’d probably get really depressed. The level of anger and frustration and hurt is off the scale. And, still living through the withdrawal stages, I’m not in the mental condition to do anything about it — to do any thing.
I get tired of it sometimes, and I find myself sort of tuning out, because it’s all I can do to give myself a break. And it’s time like this that I’m really tempted to get high, smoke dope, find some escape.
I don’t go around sharing every single one of these bad days because I don’t want to bring everyone down. But I’m still around.