Paxil Free

Monday, November 27th, 2000 (27th day off Paxil).

I just got back from my seeing my doctor. Today is my 82nd day of weaning off the Paxil. I don’t know how long I’ve been down to zero; two or three weeks, I suppose. I’ve been seeing this psychiatrist because I needed someone who supposedly knew what they were doing to supervise my weaning off of the Paxil. So far he’s done a good enough job. But as far as therapy is concerned, my sessions with him have never been a catharsis of healing. Occasionally, though, I manage to have a conversation with him, like I did today, that does provides some insight, or maybe it’s hope. In the midst of all this, hope can go a long way. So anyhoo…

I mentioned to him today how my libido went through the roof a few weeks ago and stayed that way for about two weeks, but how that peak period of vitality has since come and gone. This was around the period in the weaning when I was almost off the Paxil completely. It might have kicked in during the last few days I was on 5mg. That peak period lasted about two weeks after that and now it’s gone.

This is when my doctor mentioned that there seems to be a “window” for people coming off Paxil, a window of time in which the blood level of Paxil is just right and everything clicks. Observing this window of peak effectiveness, doctors have attempted to “freeze” the patient’s medication at whatever the dose is during the window. But… it is a window. Which means it eventually closes regardless of what actions are taken to keep it open. (This reminds me of Oliver Sacks’s Awakenings.) Doctors have yet to find a way to keep the window open.

He told me that patients coming off Paxil often report this “window” of peak effectiveness. During the past 82 days, I think I experienced minor peaks that eventually came together in this full peak a few weeks ago. Things have since levelled off. To be honest with you, I’m feeling kind of dull. Not much interest in sex, etc. (There’s more to it than that, but that’s all I care to say at the moment.) He said eventually, if I don’t experience any major traumas any time soon, I should return to a more realistic state of well being, a middle ground between that peak period and where I am now.

My eyes still often feel like they’re soaking in electrified saline, but as soon as that goes away (I am so sick of it), things should begin to return to normal. I look forward to that middle ground.

Anyhow, I just wanted to inform everyone that there is a window of vitality in the midst of the Paxil withdrawal. Eventually it levels off, but until then, for those of you who haven’t had it yet, it’s something to look forward to.

Response:

I experienced this “window” that you are talking about. It was the strangest thing and happened about three weeks after taking my last 2.5mg dose. I had one whole glorious week of normalcy. I felt better physically and mentally than since I was 15 years old (I’m 39 now). No anxiety, no depression at all! I was normal.

Now that I have seen what it can be like I want it all the more for myself.

Something interesting about this… I visited Dr. Shipko’s PDI site and he said this “window” is pretty common and that he has patients who use SSRIs PRN to try to achieve this state.

I am going to discuss this with my “new” doctor on Thursday during my first appointment with him and get his take on it.

I just wanted to affirm this phenomenon to any other withdrawing people. Also, you guys and gals hang tough.