Initial Effects of Paxil
Thursday, July 13th, 2000 (continued). In response to a comment on paxilprogress.org that I have since misplaced:
I didn’t have dilated pupils when I went on Paxil. The main thing I felt was a bit of numbness is my hands and a slight lethargy, kinda dragging myself around a little. Which at the time was exactly what I needed because I was going through too much stuff at once and my nervous system was on overload. Feeling the numbing effects of the Paxil gave me something to fight against. Seeing how everything else in my life was out of control and I was beginning to lose my determination, fighting against a little pill was a synch.
I felt that I fought off the numbness of the Paxil, and getting through it, it gave me a sense of being in control. For those first few days I also felt a little punchy, if you know what I mean by that word. It’s like being pleasantly light-headed so that your overall attitude is, “Ah, what the hell,” and you find yourself with the guts to do things and say things you normally wouldn’t do. It allowed me to get through some social anxiety I was feeling, and to say and do things in social situations I normally wouldn’t have. A friendliness that I’d always known was in me was able to let loose a little, and that had nothing but a positive impact on my life.
So Paxil did work for me, and it didn’t leave me feeling sedated in any way. There were certain sexual side effects, but I was able to deal with it (it just took a bit more work). Otherwise, until the horror of my attempt at going cold turkey, Paxil seems to have been exactly what I needed at the time. Had I known of any natural remedies such as St. John’s wort, and had I known more about proper nutrition (such as the importance of Vitamins A, B-complex, C, and E, etc.), I would have taken those routes first.
Paxil would have been a last resort.
Most natural remedies (if not all of them) have no withdrawal effects (so that’s a big, big plus). It may not be as easy as taking a little pink pill every day, but it’s a hell of a lot better for you in the long run. As soon as I get off the Paxil, I will do everything I can never to go on an SSRI again.
The main benefit of proper nutrition and natural remedies is that YOU ARE IN CONTROL. Taking the Paxil, you’re handing the control of your life over to that little pill (and you know exactly what I’m talking about if you’ve experienced “withdrawal syndrome”).
Never had them dilated pupils though.
Postscript - February 4th, 2001: Eventually when I got off the Paxil, I began taking Ginko Biloba with Ginseng for about a month. It’s the only herb I tried that made a noticeable difference in my recovery, most notably in my cognitive abilities.
P.S. (Sept. 2006): I said I wouldn’t take another SSRI again, and I haven’t. There are still days even now when I think I’d love to have that little pink pill to help me along, to bring out the easy-going friendliness I wish I had on the go more often. But I’d rather live with whatever anixiety I was born with and find a way to make it work. I may not like it, but it is a part of who I am after all. I’ll never be a relaxed as I was when I was taking Paxil, and hopefully I’ll never be as stupid either. (With all due respect to those who really do need anti-depressants to live a normal life.) Oh, and I’m not sure how affective herbals are for anything. Many of the herbals I tried are now off the market (like Kava). I find mint tea relaxing, but I’m not sure any of it makes a significant difference to anyone who severely depressed. Still, it never hurts to eat healthy.