Yoga
Wednesday, April 25th, 2001.
It’s been about five months since I took my last bit of Paxil, and right now the main thing I’m still feeling is difficult to describe, but it feels like my head is full of concrete — and concrete that hasn’t set yet.
Don’t give me that look. I know how strange that sounds, but try describing any of this Paxil-related stuff to anyone and chances are they’re going look at you like you’re a nut and you’ll never hear from them again.
Anyhow, this unsettled concrete head feeling. I’m taking a heavy duty muscle relaxant to fight it off, and it’s working. I don’t have headaches nor any of the hypersensitivity I used to have. Which is good. But my head, or the inside of my head, still feels a bit twitchy (I can’t find the language to describe it).
Then I notice that my muscles are stiff. For instance, whenever I do any kind of stretches, my muscles don’t stretch — they crack. Every single muscle in my body is like this, including my neck muscles and my head muscles.
So naturally I’ve come to the conclusion that I am really tense, but I don’t want to keep relying on medication to loosen myself up. First of all because it doesn’t loosen me up that much anyway, and secondly, I don’t want to get addicted to tranquilizers and then go through another withdrawal experience.
Anyone have any non-medical suggestions to easing this tension, something I can physically do that helps release tension? Man am I tense. I’m thinking about signing up for yoga.
First response:
Just wanted to let you know two things: Firstly, that my muscles and joints are cracking all the time now (for the past few months), and this is definitely new and Paxil-related. I never suffered from social anxiety, so I know its no “relapse.” Secondly, I just wanted to contribute a new metaphor for the unset concrete in your (and my) head. I’ve likened it to Jell-O pudding — just as an add-on to the mushy brain metaphor.
Also, I think yoga is a great idea. When I started it in September to help deal with all this, it was so good for me. I love it because it’s the only exercise you can do on your own at home with only a small space, as well as with your eyes closed. And of course, yoga will help those joints. But just as a warning, it will take a while to notice a difference.